I lost touch with her for one week, probably due to disappointment and also the network is to be blamed. It’s not an easy thing to have an online girlfriend, and that too thousand miles away from each other. Two different person; two different country and continent in between, and of course different gender who never saw each other in real life, yet dying to see each other. Sometimes I felt like I am the most stupid guy alive by risking my jackpot to meet somebody and yet that person couldn’t turn up. But at the same time I am proud of myself because I did my part, and my love is real.
“Ade! It’s being a while, how you doing? I am sorry for all the things and I know you will forgive me. Maybe that was not the right time for us to see each other. Can I video call you now? I am still on shift though.”
We talked and it’s real, I still like her.
It’s like three months already we were dating online, though we are friends on facebook a year ago. She never asked about my family and siblings. But that day she suddenly asked me about my life. I asked her back what she wants to know about my life.
“Anything which I don’t know, your ex. maybe. And please mail me later as I have to go for my shift now.” She replied.
In life no matter what, it is always good to tell the truth to someone you love. Since, she already knows about my brothers and my parents, I have to tell her the truth about my love life. It’s something which I do not want to tell anybody, but I don’t know why she needs to know this and why should I tell her this?
I don’t know if I should tell you this, but it’s important that you know who I am before we meet. I had a terrible past and it still keeps on hunting me every day. There was this girl in my higher secondary school who turns out to be my best friend, very soon we were dating. It was more like friends with benefits. We finished the college together with English Literature as our major subject. We were so closed to each other and I never thought of having a girlfriend because I had one who is more than a girlfriend. My life hits the rock bottom when she agrees to married an officer who is the son of her dad’s friend. I think Jen thought that I would not be interested in marrying her because I was jobless and fresh from the college, just a carefree guy without any seriousness in life.
Women turns to be more matured when it comes to family planning, so maybe that’s the reason she decided to go away from me. It was during December 2013 just one week before her wedding, a terrible thing happens in both of our lives. I slept with her.
I ruined her marriage and her life completely. Two years later she took her own life, nobody knows the reason why she did. I think I knew the answer, she refused to forgive herself, and I am to be blamed for everything.
Lulu, I think this is enough for today. This is me in black and white.
It’s been two days now, but I still haven’t got any reply from her.